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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 04/21/2009 11:55 PM |
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I have been struggling with feeling that my size is not what my husband prefers. I'm not overweight (according to the Dr. charts, I'm under-weight), but I do have a little mid-section issue). I'll just say I'm not as well-endowed as the women I notice my husband trying to "not" look at. It has made me feel that I'm inadequate. I recently talked to my husband about it & he said that if a woman shows (or appears to have) confidence in her body/herself, no matter what size she is, the confidence is a big part of what makes her attractive. I therefore decided to stand up straight (I'm tall & all my life I have slumped over), & hold my stomach in (so that I could wear clothes that are tighter fitting than what I use to wear). I walk around now like a proud peacock because this is the body that God gave to me! It does give me the confidence that I was lacking.
Here's the problem...my husband pays LESS attention to me! Why? |
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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 04/29/2009 2:26 PM |
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I decided to ask my husband why. He said it wasn't me, that it was him. About a month ago we attended Family Life's Weekend To Remember. That's where we got the FWO & FMO books. He just recently finished reading FMO. He said he has been so focused on putting into practice the "new" things that he learned from the book, that he wasn't really focused on my appearance / new found confidence.
Since men don't usually have multiple windows open in their minds like women do, does what he said sound reasonable? |
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smily6184
Posts:4
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| 05/11/2009 2:35 PM |
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| I think he sounds totally reasonable. Most of the time guys don't tell us how pretty they think we are, not because they aren't thinking it, but because they forget that we need to hear it. Sometimes I just tell my husband, "I'm feeling ugly today." and he immediately says, "You're gorgeous!" and he appreciates the fact that I'm open about my needs. |
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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 06/17/2009 2:58 PM |
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| OK, things are continuing to change. He's paying attention to me now, but he wants me to dress like "everyone else" dresses. Meaning...tight, low-cut stuff, & not just at home, but out in public. Until about a year ago, he didn't want me to wear anything that might look suggestive in public. Since he wants me to wear that type stuff in public now, is it because he likes looking at women in suggestive clothing...not just me? And if he wants me to wear it too it's like giving him permission to look at other women in suggestive clothing...??? |
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Travis
Posts:38
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| 06/21/2009 3:03 PM |
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I don't how to answer your questions, but one thing that i have learned, that I feel your husband has to learn, is that he has to appreciate/respect what you wear. YOU WEAR WHAT YOU WANT. If you feel comfortable in wearing the things he like, then go on ahead. Just have an open mind about the type of clothes he like. But if you don't like it, then he has to deal with that.
I know that sounds al mixed up, but does that help? |
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~And in the end, The love you take
Is equal to the love you make~ |
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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 06/22/2009 2:15 AM |
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| I'm confortable wearing tight, revealing clothing at home, alone with him, but in public I feel like I'm providing "freedbies" to other men. I don't want to turn on other men. If I don't wear the stuff in public though, I lose his attention. It's like having it at home isn't enough variety for him. |
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Travis
Posts:38
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| 06/22/2009 2:37 PM |
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I don't think it would be good for other men if you were to wear revealing clothes in public.
One thing I am learning right now, is that this "physical look" is behaving in a worldy way. As in, its not about looking the best for him so that his eyes are on you. God doesn't change for us. We love Him because He loves us. I think you and your husband (and for anyone else reading) need to understand discipline. And more specific, he needs to discipline himself to wear he has eyes for you. Not based off of how you look, but because he is married to you. And you need to understand that its not about looking like the perfect women for him. Have confidence in who you are, and what God has blessed you with. I hope I don't sound harsh, I'm trying not to be.
This will take time to learn. I'm learning right now, and I'm not even married...or have a gf...ha.
Please let me know if this helps, and if this makes since. |
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~And in the end, The love you take
Is equal to the love you make~ |
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Travis
Posts:38
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| 06/22/2009 2:47 PM |
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p.s.s Men can help what they look at and what they think. They have to take the initiative and take the necessary steps into disciplining themselves.
p.s.s.s I think it does come naturally for men to think these bad thoughts. We live in a awful world. We have to step out of naturally, and not rely on our selves. We have to ask God to change us, and we need to start changing. Naturally we are bad. |
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~And in the end, The love you take
Is equal to the love you make~ |
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Ashley4
Posts:7
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| 12/27/2009 9:09 PM |
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| Congratulations on your modesty. Not many women in today's world believe in modesty, and your husband appreciates your look at home, and that's where it counts. |
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