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lizzybeth
Posts:9
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| 02/26/2009 6:01 PM |
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I am new to the forum, and GREATLY enjoyed FWO! But, I must say the chapter on appearance really hit home with me. I had always thought that I was "honoring" and "blessing" my husband by tryng to save money by buying cheap clothes (and getting hand-me-downs from a friend). Even though he had made little comments about my appearance, I never did anything about it - not realizing HOW important it was to him.
When I read the book it was like the lights came on and I finally GOT it! I have been working out, I lost 30 pounds, and I have purchased some new (nicer) clothes. I even put on makeup and fix my hair when I'm not going anywhere. I honestly am trying.
My problem is, (and I know this sounds so silly and maybe even childish) even when my husband tells me I look nice, I just can't seem to get past the feeling that he is only trying to spare my feelings. Everytime he gives me a compliment I keep hearing all the negative things he has said in the past about my appearance, and no matter what, I never feel that I look attractive.
The man in the book who talks about the "competition" between men, and feeling sorry for the man with the overweight, unattractive wife- I always feel like other men are thinking that about my poor husband. (Oh, man. Such a great guy, stuck with her! He must have to feed her Alpo every night.) We were in the grocery store, and I saw my DH talking to another man whom I thought he must know. I turned and went the other way, so he wouldn't have to introduce me. I feel terrible that I have embarrassed my husband, and can't seem to get past this. I know most of the men said that the "effort" is what is important, but...
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
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Joel213
Posts:2
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| 02/28/2009 11:26 PM |
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lizzybeth,
God bless you for "getting it " -- and for losing 30 lbs!!!! Yahoo!!! NOT EASY TO DO!
Keep it up--- and keep it off!! Don't grow weary of doing good !! Your husband is a lucky man.
I would give A LOT for my wife to "get it" and lose 30 lbs. I would think she really cared about me. Alas--not likely to happen
Joel213 |
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Marganit
Posts:8
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| 03/02/2009 9:06 AM |
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Why don't you just tell your husband that you're sorry about the past. I'm sure he'll forgive you, but then you must STOP dwelling on the past! Forgive yourself also and move on. As Joel said, don't stop doing what's good, keep it up. Believe your husband's compliments and tell them to yourself too in the mirror. You WILL come to believe it!
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mike
Posts:1
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| 03/04/2009 1:12 PM |
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I am single, but I just have this one question, do women really put make up on for their bf or husband or do they do it for themselves. I ask this because I generally don't see any point in it. I know of many friends I think look just fine that don't wear makeup at all. I would never want a gf or wife to think she has to wear something that is not necessary.
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lizzybeth
Posts:9
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| 03/11/2009 10:55 PM |
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Thanks for all your encouraging comments. I think I just thought I would feel different on the inside if I changed the outside, and that didn't happen.
And, Mike, about your make-up question...that is hard to say. It is probably different for everyone. Some women probably wear it just to please themselves, and others more to please the man in their life. But, truly it makes me happy to do something that makes my husband happy. |
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Travis
Posts:38
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| 03/16/2009 12:28 AM |
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I haven't experienced this, most likely because I am a guy.
But, I think your husband should appreciate that your trying to look nice for him. If you mean alot to him, he will appreciate you.
Now, on the part where your feeling like he is sparing your feelings, I feel like the best way to know if he is, is to ask him. Ask him if hes sparing your feelings or is he being truthful. Then you will know.
And I know what your thinking, what if he is sparing your feelings, tell him he needs to tell you the truth (in a kind way) no matter what.
From what your said that your doing, I would appreciate you. It would mean alot to me if my girlfriend started changing her appearance for me. Although, I think my gf is drop dead gorgrous, and I don't know how I got her, but if you did that for your husband, then he should love you more because of that.
I hope that helps or at least makes you feel alittle bit better.
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~And in the end, The love you take
Is equal to the love you make~ |
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Sheeplady
Posts:1
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| 03/31/2009 10:39 AM |
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| I have always tried to look my best for my husband. My hair was always done, make up on and at least clean, non frumpy clothes on. He never said anything. I then lost 30 pounds, again he never said anything unless I mentioned someone giving me a compliment, then he would tell me I looked good. Maybe appearance isn't that important to him? I'm afraid to ask, honestly. Does anyone else have that problem? |
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jeffru6475
Posts:7
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| 04/01/2009 8:16 PM |
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| this is for sheeplady.I know 30 pounds is alot of weight to lose and i'm sure your husband has noticed this.For some people 30 pounds is just a start and maybe just maybe your husband feels that if he says you look good he feels that you will stop where your at when he really wants you to keep going.In other words some people will hold the line when they hear words of satisfaction instead of continuing to get better.therefore he sees you and he knows what your doing ,but your just not quite there yet and he is waitng for that time to lavish you with love and compliments.Maybe i just don't know what i'm talking about or maybe he doesn't feel good about himself.as far as asking him about how he feels you will probably never get an honest answer because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or start a fight.Some of the single guys don't know about this and how touchy of a subject this is.God watches us and he see's our progress and he's happy ,but i feel like he is also waiting to bless us at the end of our trials. keep going don't give up. |
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gracemercypeace
Posts:7
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| 04/21/2009 12:37 AM |
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jeffru...
are you ,asking as my husband?? My goodness you think like him! HE does hold back any praise and positive comments because of exactly what you said
maybe just maybe your husband feels that if he says you look good he feels that you will stop where your at when he really wants you to keep going.In other words some people will hold the line when they hear words of satisfaction instead of continuing to get better
Not sure what her husband is thinking but there is definately men out there with your perspective my hubby is one of them! |
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gracemercypeace
Posts:7
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| 04/21/2009 12:37 AM |
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| oops I meant are you masking as my husband? It was a joke then I mispelled it! |
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GeneD
Posts:2
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| 06/12/2009 4:55 PM |
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| I appreciate the author's concern, but what about when someone feels there's a problem and there is not. For me it's frustrating because even though I give many compliments to my wife she says she does not believe me (and I must just be saying that to be nice). After children, of course, in regard to weight, she's not what she was more than 25 years ago, but only putting on 10-20 lbs. over the years is NO problem. She's a lady that's kept a immaculate complexion and for a lady over 50 to still look like she's in her 30's is great. The problem I have is because her "complex", she's reluctant to "fix up" for me at night and constantly wears "frumpy" house pants and long tattered t-shirts to bed. Nothing wrong with being comfortable, but an occasional "Fix-Up" would be pleasing. Any ideas? |
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lizzybeth
Posts:9
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| 06/21/2009 7:13 PM |
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It is so interesting to hear this from a man's perspective. I think that so many of us women have very deep issues regarding our appearance, and wanting/needing male approval. Sometimes we are so sensitive to even a disapproving LOOK and the man may not even be aware he is doing it. I am referring to incidents which may have occured before you even met your wife, perhaps when she was in school. (I am speaking from my own personal experience.)
I know it shouldn't, but these things shape how we see ourselves, and it is very difficult to overcome.
Bless you for being supportive and giving her lots of compliments. I guarantee that your wife appreciates them even if she can't quite bring herself to accept them. Just don't give up. One suggestion might be to surprise her with a special romantic night, and buy something pretty you would like to see her in as a gift. (Who can refuse a gift!) Then when she sees how much you like her in it she may eventually start buying things on her own. You may have to do this more than once, so be patient and just keep loving her. It sounds like she is very blessed to have you for a husband.
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