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Tess
Posts:2
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| 09/17/2009 11:20 AM |
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| I had read the books FWO and FMO, and Every mans battle, long ago (I recently reread the FOW and FMO with my husband to be). When I first read these books the men lusting issue didn't bother me that bad (I wasnt in a relationship) Now that I am close to marrying someone it is Destroying me. I can't not think about it, I get hurt constantly, I'm always trying to get things out of him perhaps out of denial and trying to find a way to ease what reality is. He is Very honest and sincere, which is good but I abuse that by asking to far in detail and it is hurting our relationship. I can't deal with the fact that he is going to automatically check out every girl that he sees. makes me sick, I don't want to go anywhere with him, and I feel uneasy about him going places. I will give him credit he does do his best, He tells me When he Doesn't do it which comforts me because it shows he works on it. He is in the military which scares me to death because he is doing honor guard and has to ride daily with a group of porn addicted men hours from base. He told me the other day they stopped at a gas station and the guys bought 3 playboy magazines, and for a 2hr car ride were looking at them and talking graphjically about what was in them. he said he had the hardest time not looking and not thinking anything sexual. But he Did not look and he did control his mind. I praise his efforts and Am Very blessed to have a man who tries so hard, but I still cant get over the hurt that he wont always be able to control it. esp when he has guys shoving it at him everyday.
Another fear I have is right now he don't think about Sex with them, but im afraid when he gets married and actually has sex that it will be far more tempting to think actual sex with girls, which to me would be disasterous it would be just the same as a cheating because even sex in your mind is cheating.
I am honored to have a man though that does his best he is still growing and always will be but why cant I get over my hurt, and my jelousy.
Its making me not want to get married, but I love him. its selfish of me to do this, its not forgiving, its not gracious. I know I need those things.
Sometimes it makes me mad that God made men SO sexual like to the point they cant even look at a girl without auto checking out their body parts. what is it with body parts? most womens bodies kinda look the same boobs all are round boobs and butts are butts and bellies bellies why does he have to notice every one of them? makes me feel weird bineg with him and knowing he is noticing all the women around me. I udnerstand it has Nothing to do with me, nor how I look. He has told me I have the mos beautiful body he has ever seen and its perfect to him. I don't really know what i'm looking for I just need to find a way to let go and let God because i'm afraid of getting married because of this hurt. What do I do? |
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JoeMS
Posts:38
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| 10/27/2009 2:58 PM |
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"He is in the military which scares me to death because he is doing honor guard and has to ride daily with a group of porn addicted men hours from base."
It is important to develop healthy and Christ-like attitudes. We all need support to do that.
Every Soldier's Battle Kit from Steve Arturburn's site.
https://secure2.convio.net/nlm/site/Ecommerce/?store_id=1201
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Adelynn
Posts:443
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| 10/29/2009 5:27 PM |
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I think that the gender differences aren't discussed very well in these books. I mean, they make it seem that every man is sex-obsessed and women aren't. Are either of these statements true? I know that I notice when a guy is wide-shouldered. I especially notice when we're at the beach and a guy has only shorts on.
There is another type of porn, too. It's called romance novels and chick flicks. An accepted part of society, mostly. But, think about how "guy porn" makes you feel; does it make you feel insecure about yourself and disgusted with how a guy might be looking at you, and hoping or expecting you to look or act the same? It sets up unrealistic expectations that are disgusting, no? Well, what kind of romantic expectations are women taught? Every guy I've ever talked to has become angry and hurt when we start talking about how fantastic Mr. Darcy or Edward (from Twilight) are, how handsome and rich and wonderful and respectful (debatable) they are. Because in real life, we are only human, and we can't possibly live up to those expectations.
I'm certainly not endorsing porn or saying that it's "understandable." It's not and there is a reason that it's not. But remember that no one on earth right now has ever been perfect. We all have things that affect how we view life; though I believe the books you mention are a little over the top about how guys view women as sex objects to make a point, they aren't completely off- and that's okay, as long as it's used in a way that honors God and each other. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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